AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. BLINKING -- I HATE BLINKING SO I'VE DECIDED NOT TO DO IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'VE FAILED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. SPORTING FANS SETTING THE ESTADIO DA LUZ ON FIRE -- SETTING THINGS ON FIRE FOR YOUR OWN ENJOYMENT OR REVENGE IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!! WRONG!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH BUT IT'S ALSO SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CONFLICTED NATURE OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE IS TOO MUCH TO FULLY COMPREHEND!!!!!!!!!!!
3. PLAYING ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS TO DECIDE WHO TAKES A FREE KICK -- NOT ONLY IS THIS INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL TO THE OTHER TEAM BUT YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT ROCKSCISSOR BEATS EVERYTHING AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO USE IT!!!!!!!!!! ONCE THE OTHER PERSON SEES THAT YOU HAVE A PAIR OF SCISSORS DUCT TAPED TO A JAGGED ROCK IN YOUR HAND THEY QUICKLY CONCEDE AND RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE WHEN THEY DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- I SAW A BABY WITH A SMILING EAR OF CORN ON IT'S SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD THAT BABY THAT IT CHOSE THE WRONG SIDE OF THIS WAR IN A VERY INTIMIDATING TONE OF SHOUTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BABY JUST LAUGHED AT ME!!!!!!!!!! CLEARLY THE CORN IS BREEDING FEARLESS CYBORG BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. PEPE REINA FISTING HIS TEAMMATES -- THAT'S GROSS PEPE REINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. PABLO OSVALDO PUNCHING HIS TEAMMATE IN THE FACE -- WE ALL WANT TO DO THIS BUT WE DON'T PABLO!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT MAKES US PROFESSIONALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. JOSE MOURINHO AS ROCKSTAR OF THE YEAR -- IT'S WEIRD THAT THE FUTURE POPE IS ROCKSTAR OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LOOK BACK AND THINK THAT'S REALLY WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!
8. CRISTIANO RONALDO'S DEATH STARE -- I'VE TRIED DOING THIS TO PEOPLE I HATE LIKE EDUARDO AND GARY CALDWELL AND SEBASTIEN FREY AND THE CORN AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAS EVER EXISTED BUT IT RARELY WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN FACT I TRIED GIVING THE SUN A DEATH STARE FOR SEVERAL HOURS ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS AN EPIC BATTLE BUT I THINK THE SUN WON BECAUSE I ENDED UP PASSING OUT AND LOSING THE ABILITY TO SEE ANYTHING FOR AWHILE!!!!!!!!!!! BUT WHEN MY EYES DID START WORKING AGAIN THE SUN WAS GONE AND THE MOON WAS OUT SO I LIKE TO THINK I DID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS SHOUTING AT THE CORN'S BABY SOLDIER OUTSIDE OF THE DUOMO IN FLORENCE WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED WHAT I WAS DOING!!!!!!! I TOLD HIM I WAS YELLING AT AN EVIL CORN BABY AND TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!! HE TOLD ME THAT I BETTER STOP OR SOMEONE MIGHT CALL THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "THAT'S A GOOD IDEA DAN!!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT IT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND THAT HIS EARS LOOKS WAY TOO TINY FOR HIS HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY DAN LEFT AFTER THAT AND I RESUMED GIVING MY GROUP A TOUR OF THE DUOMO WHILE KEEPING ONE EYE ON THAT BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE WHEN POPE JOSE TAKES POWER HE FINALLY HONORS MY REQUEST THAT THE CHURCH EXCOMMUNICATES DAN AND HIS GOOBER KIDS FROM THIS PLANET AND THAT THEY FIND AN EVEN BETTER PLANET IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE TO LIVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!